Peak Potential Article

Conflict exists in every workplace. With the many demands on a leader’s time it is easy to find reasons to simply ignore the seemingly trivial problems of others. However, interpersonal conflict that is left unmanaged takes people’s time and energy away from their core work, and continues to fester raising its head whenever the opportunity presents itself. The next easiest approach, forced compromise seldom works ... the answer is the 3^rd option.

The 3^rd option involves moving beneath what people are demanding, to surface why it is that they are wanting it. While two sets of conflicting demands may be at odds, the underlying reasons or needs frequently are not.

Consider two office workers who were arguing over whether or not their office window should be opened or closed. Mary wanted it open while Simon wanted it closed.  Clearly it is impossible for both people to get what they are demanding.  A forced compromise, where the window is left half closed and half open does not really make anyone happy. Instead the manager seeks to resolve the conflict by helping both Mary and Simon find the 3^rd option. She starts by asking Mary why she wants the window open, to discover that Mary is taking medication which is making her feel hot and uncomfortable in the office. Simon discloses that he wants the window closed because the periodic gusts of wind keep messing up the papers he has spread on his desk while working on a particular project. Armed with this underlying insight Simon and Mary agree to close the window and turn the air conditioner on.

Management author, Mary Parker Follett uses the orange as another example. A mother has two children and one orange. Both children want the orange – an impossibility, and being busy, mum forces a quick compromise cutting the orange down the middle and giving half to each child. However, had mum taken the time to uncover the underlying reasons behind each child’s desire for the orange, she would have found that only one wanted to eat the fruit, while the other wanted to make sugared orange peels. While the compromise gave each child some of what they wanted, the 3^rd option would have totally satisfied both parties.

The 3^rd option lies at the heart of true win-win solutions. By focusing on the underlying reasons behind people’s demands, rather than on the demands themselves, you can frequently find a solution that truly satisfies both parties. While the 3^rd option is not available in every situation, managers who actively seek it out are surprised with how frequently it is there for the taking. The applications of 3^rd option thinking range from small conflicts as described above right through to high level negotiations.